saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
