I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
