bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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