you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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