Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
