This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
