You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
