Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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