There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
