Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
