Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
