My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
FUCK WHALES
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
