Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
