And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
