i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
