I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
