honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
