Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
