he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this hospital has no fireball
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize