his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
