the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
