i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
