Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
