we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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