We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize