i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
