so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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