You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize