i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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