# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
