forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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