Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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