My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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