i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
