he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
