I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
