so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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