If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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