so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
