I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
