At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
