I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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