NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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