Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
