I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
