i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
