the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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