guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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