have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
