I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize