if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize