I'm going to rape someone's good day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
