My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
