This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
