Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
40s are totally the cure
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
