I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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