Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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