So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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