ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
