I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
