Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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