You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
