GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
