I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
