You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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