Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
