I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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