totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
