oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
