so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
