Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
