I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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