it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
