So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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