My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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