I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
