she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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