its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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