I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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