The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
