So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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