That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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