wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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