i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
