sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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