you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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