If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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