Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
