I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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