6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
