He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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