the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
